Although Roxy was ‘just a dog’, and she died over 8 years ago, recalling her last day still feels heartbreaking for owner Jennifer Muldowney. In fact, she says it was one of the worst days of her life and has inspired her upcoming Tedx Talk in Tallaght this Thursday October 12th.
“She was 16 – quite old for any puppy – and she’d had a series of strokes,” says Jennifer, 35.
“I had just returned from the holiday of a lifetime in Cuba and when I arrived home Roxy came running out as usual to say hello. But everything wasn’t usual - I knew something was wrong. Four hours and another stroke later we were taking her to her death. We had her for 16 years, she was part of the family. She was my best friend through childhood, teenage years and adulthood. I felt like I was betraying her.”
Jennifer’s deep emotions regarding the day her dog was euthanized strikes a familiar chord with just about anyone who has ever lost a beloved pet to euthanasia — more commonly known as “putting a dog to sleep.”
The aftermath was even worse than the act itself, Jennifer says “I often ask myself did we do the right thing, could she have gotten better or was she saying thank you. Her eyes never left mine as she died. And then afterwards, people just don’t know what to do with you, theres no funeral or blueprint to follow. You feel awkward calling into work asking for some time off. You feel your friends look at you thinking “Just get over it, its only a dog” especially if they have had human loss. It seems self indulgent to even think of mourning a pet when faced with human loss so feelings get hidden and grief gets buried deep.”
Ireland is changing when it comes to pet loss as we see recognition of the grief people experience when a beloved pet dies where we never saw it before. There are helplines offering support and a listening ear. You can buy pet condolence cards, memorial jewellery. Pet funeral businesses are springing up: pet cemeteries and pet crematoriums with pet specific caskets, urns and keepsake jewellery.
One study by the Funeral Co-op in the UK found that more than a quarter of respondents had found their pet’s death as difficult as the death of a family member, and a third thought it was on a level with the loss of a friend. Nearly half of the bereaved owners were still mourning after two months, and 16 per cent were struggling a year later.
While it might seem self indulgent or the ‘world gone mad with millenials’ by older generations to mourn the loss of a pet or compare it to the loss of human life, to some it can be just as heartbreaking. All loss and grief is important and essential experiences of the human psych but grief that is dismissed by others can be more painful still.
Pets are often with us 24/7, reliant on us for food, water, exercise, and survival. They become our confidantes and in some cases have been known to prevent suicidal thoughts and help with mental illnesses. Here is a living being who will not judge, reprimand, or dismiss your thoughts, actions or feelings and yet when they pass the loss can be dismissed as ‘just a dog’. It’s not right.
Irish milliner Philip Treacy lost his jack russell, ‘Mr Pig’ in 2004 and said ‘I saw Mr Pig as my friend, not my dog. He was my everything; he was like my child. He was by my side, day and night, for 12 years. How many humans could you say that about?’ Treacy even went on to compose a book Dog Stories, which is an anthology of stories of well-known people (Lady Annabel Goldsmith, Sir Jackie Stewart, Lord Hattersley, Anna Pasternak, Petronella Wyatt, Edward du Cann and Tom Rubython) and their dogs. They recount the adventures of their pets, and the happiness and ultimate sadness they brought to the lives of their owners.
Jennifer used her grief to build a business helping others to grieve and started a company called Rainbow Bridge Memorials offering condolence cards, pet conscious cards and memorial jewellery but it is more than just a business as she says “It has become a community. We have a Facebook page where people will often post about their pet or their grief and others chime in and offer support. We all know the sadness of pet loss and the difficulty in speaking about it to others who don’t have pets. The emails I receive from my clients about my jewellery often overwhelm me as they tell me how much it helps them in their grieving process and some of the emails were heartbreaking to read. It brought the loss of Roxy up all over again but I guess I started the business because when we lost Roxy, I still wanted her with me every day and wherever I go and with the jewellery I can do that and it helps.”
Why are people saying “its only a dog/cat etc”
People who don't understand a pet bond may not understand your pain but don't let others dictate your feelings. You are valid, your feelings are valid. Grief is grief and loss is loss. And remember, you are not alone, there are hundreds of pet owners have gone through similar grieving and mourning.
What do I do now?
The most important step you can take is, to be honest about your feelings. You have a right to feel pain and grief. Someone you loved has died. You have a right to feel anger and guilt too.
Some pet parents find it helpful to express their feelings and memories in stories, or letters to their pet, preparing a memorial such as a photo collage; and talking to other pet lovers about your loss.
Who can I talk to?
Pet lovers! Friends, family, colleagues, anyone who loves their pet just as much as you did. It might be especially helpful to talk to someone who has lost a pet too. They will empathise. Don't hide your feelings in a misguided effort to appear strong or calm. There are also pet loss counsellors and support groups.
When is the right time to euthanize a pet?
This is one of the worst decisions you will hopefully never have to make in life but if it sadly comes your way then your vet is the best judge of your pet's physical condition. You are the best judge of the quality of your pet's daily life. If a pet has a good appetite, still responds to attention, still wants cuddles and/or walks you may feel that this is not the right time. However, if a pet is in constant pain, unresponsive to affection, unaware of its surroundings, and/or uninterested in life, then you may choose to end the beloved companion's suffering as much as it will hurt you deeply.
How should I tell my kids?
Honesty is important. Especially these days, children know a lot more than we do! If you say the pet was "put to sleep," make sure your children understand the difference between death and ordinary sleep or they may never sleep for you again! Try not to say the pet "went away," as your child may wonder what he or she did to make it leave, and wait, tormented, for its return. Don't assume a child is too young or too old to grieve. I find the Rainbow Bridge story is great for children and adults alike. It explains death but allows us to feel at peace, knowing our furbabies are happy and free.
Do other pets grieve too?
Pets often form strong attachments to one another while living in the same house/venue. The survivor of such a pair may grieve for its companion. You will notice small things and you may need to give your surviving pets a lot of extra attention and love to help them through this time.
How soon should I get a new pet?
This is an almost impossible question to answer as every family and person is different in their moments of grief. You need to take the time to fully grieve and evaluate your circumstances. If you do decide to get a new pet, some will advise you to avoid getting a "lookalike" pet, which makes comparisons all the more likely. Or that getting a totally different looking pet will also draw comparisons. But then we got a new pet in the form of our late dogs' granddaughter and we love that fact. It is entirely personal and a difficult question to advise.
I’m usually pretty good with words, whether its talking or writing but for some reason this blog has taken me a while to get down on paper and, even verbally, I have only told a few people even though I knew it was my duty (sounds bit harsh) to tell you about it because if you're reading this, you are more than likely a customer of mine, whether directly or indirectly. Most of my customers know my vibe and whether it's that I've done a piece directly for you and your furry friend or you are a vet or groomer or crematorium owner who I work with to get my message out, you know how soft and sentimental (and squidgy!) I am, so this story means a lot to me and hopefully will to you guys too.
Last year I found myself at crossroads in life, I was splitting my time between NYC and Dublin, I had friends and family in both and loved both cities dearly. One was home and one was quickly becoming home. I have a great relationship with my mom and we love to do fun activities together. One of those things is the occasional trip to a fortune teller, tarot reader or some such! Mostly for the craic but I also find they can give you direction when you find yourself lacking. Its almost like someone giving you a choice and you cannot decide but then when they suddenly make the decision for you, you quickly realize what you want!
So we headed up to Dundalk to a fabulous woman called Romina. I walked in the door, made myself comfortable and, as she asked me to, allowed my aura and spirit to fill the room. When she sat down she told me that although she was a card reader and not a medium, she often had spirits visit who wished to communicate with the living person who was having the reading. This was happening to me. She said there was a gentleman who wanted to communicate with me but she also told me that something else unusual was occurring and that was a massive noise of lots of dogs barking and cats purring and both were trying to communicate a message. Not once did I reveal the business I was in, or even that I had a business! The man said that the animals just wanted to convey a simple message, a message of THANKS to me.
Needless to say I sat there and cried. I have a pretty good relationship with anyone who has directly become a customer of mine, it goes with the nature of what I do. Most of my customers are beyond grateful that I can help provide them with some form of solace in their time of grief and this humbles me in a way I can never express. It’s a privilege to do what I do but to know that the puppies and kitties that have passed on and passed through my care were thankful too? Well that just signed my ‘calling card’ that this business and this career is the vocation for me and I am so happy to tell all of my customers of time passed that your little furry baby was more than likely a part of this gang who sent a message and just so you know, they are happy and waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge, have no doubt about that! <3
They will all run and play together until suddenly one will stop and look into the distance, his/her bright eyes are intent and body shaking with excitement.
They will break from the group and start running over the green grass, faster and faster.
You have been spotted.
When you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face, your hands cuddling them and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Our 3rd year of running "Ireland's Favourite Groomer" !!
We always get such amazing nominations that this year we want to make the competition even bigger and better!
First we need you to nominate your groomer - do this by sending us a picture of YOUR puppy and tag your groomers on the photo. You can do this on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, we will be running this comp across all our channels so the more the merrier!
WHAT TO DO: upload your picture, tag us (so we can see it obviously!) and tag your groomers too or say their name in the post!
We will round up all nominees by December 20th and then announce the shortlist for voting giving all those shortlisted a very Merry Christmas indeed <3
If your puppy and groomer win, the Groomer gets an "Ireland's Favourite Groomer 2017" beautiful glass trophy and you and your puppy win their gorgeous little furry face forever memorialised on one of our Glass Photo Weights!
AND...THE WINNER(S) are......Julie Smith and Louise Connolly!!!!!
We couldn't choose between these two beauts. They truly have such dedicated clientele and such passion for their jobs that it was a clear winner to choose the two! Double trouble indeed! <3
Both will win a trophy saying "Ireland's Favourite Groomer 2017", have their photos taken and the featured puppy(s) win their gorgeous little furry face forever memorialised on one of our Glass Photo Weights! We have never seen such amazing love and trust and celebration of our furry ones than with these two. ALL of the nominees are fantastic and will receive a small prize. It warms our hearts to see such love out there for our furry babies. Keep up the lovin' guys. #StrongerTogether xxx
We have been going for nearly 4 years now and what an amazing journey it has been and we are still going strong and developing our range to suit you, our customers. We've been through so much with you and we are thankful that you share some of your most heartbreakingly beautiful moments with us.
When trying to decide on designs for our collections we usually play around with different shapes and colours and as a result we have a few 'samples' that we don't need anymore because they have become a permanent part of our collections.
We have 4 beautiful pieces here (obviously with NO ash!) that we want to give to you in thanks for your support. All you have to do is comment on Facebook "LOVE", Leave the same comment below or send us an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with the Subject/Message LOVE and your address and that's it!
We will choose 4 lucky winners at random and who knows we might even be in the mood to give EVERYONE who enters a little something ;-)
Winner will be chosen from a hat LIVE on Facebook at 8pm on ThanksGiving which is Thursday 24th of November!