Although Roxy was ‘just a dog’, and she died over 8 years ago, recalling her last day still feels heartbreaking for owner Jennifer Muldowney. In fact, she says it was one of the worst days of her life and has inspired her upcoming Tedx Talk in Tallaght this Thursday October 12th.
“She was 16 – quite old for any puppy – and she’d had a series of strokes,” says Jennifer, 35.
“I had just returned from the holiday of a lifetime in Cuba and when I arrived home Roxy came running out as usual to say hello. But everything wasn’t usual - I knew something was wrong. Four hours and another stroke later we were taking her to her death. We had her for 16 years, she was part of the family. She was my best friend through childhood, teenage years and adulthood. I felt like I was betraying her.”
Jennifer’s deep emotions regarding the day her dog was euthanized strikes a familiar chord with just about anyone who has ever lost a beloved pet to euthanasia — more commonly known as “putting a dog to sleep.”
The aftermath was even worse than the act itself, Jennifer says “I often ask myself did we do the right thing, could she have gotten better or was she saying thank you. Her eyes never left mine as she died. And then afterwards, people just don’t know what to do with you, theres no funeral or blueprint to follow. You feel awkward calling into work asking for some time off. You feel your friends look at you thinking “Just get over it, its only a dog” especially if they have had human loss. It seems self indulgent to even think of mourning a pet when faced with human loss so feelings get hidden and grief gets buried deep.”
Ireland is changing when it comes to pet loss as we see recognition of the grief people experience when a beloved pet dies where we never saw it before. There are helplines offering support and a listening ear. You can buy pet condolence cards, memorial jewellery. Pet funeral businesses are springing up: pet cemeteries and pet crematoriums with pet specific caskets, urns and keepsake jewellery.
One study by the Funeral Co-op in the UK found that more than a quarter of respondents had found their pet’s death as difficult as the death of a family member, and a third thought it was on a level with the loss of a friend. Nearly half of the bereaved owners were still mourning after two months, and 16 per cent were struggling a year later.
While it might seem self indulgent or the ‘world gone mad with millenials’ by older generations to mourn the loss of a pet or compare it to the loss of human life, to some it can be just as heartbreaking. All loss and grief is important and essential experiences of the human psych but grief that is dismissed by others can be more painful still.
Pets are often with us 24/7, reliant on us for food, water, exercise, and survival. They become our confidantes and in some cases have been known to prevent suicidal thoughts and help with mental illnesses. Here is a living being who will not judge, reprimand, or dismiss your thoughts, actions or feelings and yet when they pass the loss can be dismissed as ‘just a dog’. It’s not right.
Irish milliner Philip Treacy lost his jack russell, ‘Mr Pig’ in 2004 and said ‘I saw Mr Pig as my friend, not my dog. He was my everything; he was like my child. He was by my side, day and night, for 12 years. How many humans could you say that about?’ Treacy even went on to compose a book Dog Stories, which is an anthology of stories of well-known people (Lady Annabel Goldsmith, Sir Jackie Stewart, Lord Hattersley, Anna Pasternak, Petronella Wyatt, Edward du Cann and Tom Rubython) and their dogs. They recount the adventures of their pets, and the happiness and ultimate sadness they brought to the lives of their owners.
Jennifer used her grief to build a business helping others to grieve and started a company called Rainbow Bridge Memorials offering condolence cards, pet conscious cards and memorial jewellery but it is more than just a business as she says “It has become a community. We have a Facebook page where people will often post about their pet or their grief and others chime in and offer support. We all know the sadness of pet loss and the difficulty in speaking about it to others who don’t have pets. The emails I receive from my clients about my jewellery often overwhelm me as they tell me how much it helps them in their grieving process and some of the emails were heartbreaking to read. It brought the loss of Roxy up all over again but I guess I started the business because when we lost Roxy, I still wanted her with me every day and wherever I go and with the jewellery I can do that and it helps.”
I’m usually pretty good with words, whether its talking or writing but for some reason this blog has taken me a while to get down on paper and, even verbally, I have only told a few people even though I knew it was my duty (sounds bit harsh) to tell you about it because if you're reading this, you are more than likely a customer of mine, whether directly or indirectly. Most of my customers know my vibe and whether it's that I've done a piece directly for you and your furry friend or you are a vet or groomer or crematorium owner who I work with to get my message out, you know how soft and sentimental (and squidgy!) I am, so this story means a lot to me and hopefully will to you guys too.
Last year I found myself at crossroads in life, I was splitting my time between NYC and Dublin, I had friends and family in both and loved both cities dearly. One was home and one was quickly becoming home. I have a great relationship with my mom and we love to do fun activities together. One of those things is the occasional trip to a fortune teller, tarot reader or some such! Mostly for the craic but I also find they can give you direction when you find yourself lacking. Its almost like someone giving you a choice and you cannot decide but then when they suddenly make the decision for you, you quickly realize what you want!
So we headed up to Dundalk to a fabulous woman called Romina. I walked in the door, made myself comfortable and, as she asked me to, allowed my aura and spirit to fill the room. When she sat down she told me that although she was a card reader and not a medium, she often had spirits visit who wished to communicate with the living person who was having the reading. This was happening to me. She said there was a gentleman who wanted to communicate with me but she also told me that something else unusual was occurring and that was a massive noise of lots of dogs barking and cats purring and both were trying to communicate a message. Not once did I reveal the business I was in, or even that I had a business! The man said that the animals just wanted to convey a simple message, a message of THANKS to me.
Needless to say I sat there and cried. I have a pretty good relationship with anyone who has directly become a customer of mine, it goes with the nature of what I do. Most of my customers are beyond grateful that I can help provide them with some form of solace in their time of grief and this humbles me in a way I can never express. It’s a privilege to do what I do but to know that the puppies and kitties that have passed on and passed through my care were thankful too? Well that just signed my ‘calling card’ that this business and this career is the vocation for me and I am so happy to tell all of my customers of time passed that your little furry baby was more than likely a part of this gang who sent a message and just so you know, they are happy and waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge, have no doubt about that! <3